I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
