Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize