sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
