How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
