i jhust puked up my retainher.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
3 2 1 whiskey
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize