you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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