i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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