and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
