The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Even my vagina gasped.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize