Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
