My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
