Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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