Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
