Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
they need to just BURY HIM!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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