and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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