i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
