I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
