I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
