Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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