he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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