I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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