In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
