It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
