I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
