I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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