non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize