She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
