Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
