Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
