chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
