I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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