Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
