so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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