So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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