hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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