My liver just broke up with me...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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