smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
