Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize