New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
