I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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