I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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