Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
