Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
