My first STD was from a foam party
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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