Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
