i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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