they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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