would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ketchup is God's man juice
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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