They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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