Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
