If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
