I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
