Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize