4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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