Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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