Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
