If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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