i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
