so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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