My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I love having hate sex.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
