the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How does it feel to date your dad?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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