this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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