Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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