remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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