So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
