You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
