Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
