I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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